That got your attention, right?!! Yes, mild tempered, mellow Savannah had to take two minutes on the bench of a game. The other team is quite good, but uses some pretty dirty tactics. I'm not sure why- they have plenty of ball skills without it, but they like to trip. At one point, as they wear nearing the wall, a girl tripped Savannah (who had quite a momentum going) and they both slammed into the wall. Immediately the parents of the other team were in an uproar, yelling at the ref and the mother of the girl ran out on the field. She began berating Savannah as the rest of the parents continued their rant. Savannah was instructed to leave the field and the mother was asked to leave the facility. As Savannah went to the bench, she could still hear the other parents talking about her and was quickly in tears. (The girl had a small goose egg on her head, by the way- nothing serious.)
As I was trying to comfort her and she explained that the hardest part was that she could still hear the parents, I was reminded of something that happened to me in my teenage years. I had recently moved to Texas and wasn't well accepted in the small Young Women's Program there. As I sat one Sunday, I began to hear the girls behind me talking about me. I don't remember what was said anymore, but I remember that it was hurtful and they intended me to hear it. I got up, in tears, to leave the room. No sooner had the door closed behind me before it was opened again as one of my advisers followed me out. She took my shoulders in her hands, looked me in the eye and said, "You can't let them win." What? "If you leave this building, in tears, they win. Now I'm giving you five minutes to pull yourself together and get your make-up fixed and I expect you to be back in that classroom and I never want you to let them see you cry again."
Such a simple lesson, but I've never forgotten it. I went from being a victim of a situation to being victorious. I couldn't change what they might say, but I could change how it affected me. I learned that being silent, in spite of what others may say, is sometimes the most powerful stance. While bitterness and anger bring sadness and ultimately weakness, being secure and positive about yourself brings strength and you can use these situations, as Martha recently reminded me, as your "defining moments."
Savannah has another chance on Saturday to face these girls... and their parents. We've talked about a lot of things she could do differently. I wish I could do it for her, but I know that doing it herself will help build her up. Sometimes growing up is so hard! And by the way... thanks, Rhema.
3 comments:
That's so hard, isn't it? I sort of want to hit that other mother myself! It takes a strong mother to let her child learn those lessons and you are a GREAT mother!
Ugh! Gotta love the mean soccer parents. I remember playing in a game when I was about Emmaline's age and one of the parents on the other team kept yelling at me and calling me "red". Can't let other people's insecurities get you down. Like you said, it can definitely make you stronger if you let it.
I feel bad for Savannah. It is bad enough for the kids to act that way, but to have the parents acting bad too is unacceptable. I wish I could say the next game will be easy, but it won't. It is a terrible thing when a child has to be the example for the adults.
Thank you Charlotte for the nice comments! When you posted a message on my Facebook page, I immediately thought, "What did I say?" As I came to your blog and read it, I did remember. You always had so much more potential than you realized at the time. You seem to be a wonderful mother. I am so happy. I am glad I could help. Please pass it forward. Merry Christmas!
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