...and then there were four.

I kind of feel like our family is stuck in an old Nursery rhyme. Savannah is gone for the week to Teton Science School with the rest of the 8th graders at Salt Lake Arts Academy. I'm sure she's having a blast, but every time she leaves it reminds me that it won't be too many years until she's gone for good. And since we were already missing one, having another member of the family gone makes me even more reflective.

Tyler and I have a friend who once told us that one thing he had against the LDS church was the fact that girls weren't required to serve a mission. He felt like that was such a "rite of passage" for boys, and girls were just left out. I explained to him that it didn't matter if girls served a mission or not, their rite of passage was having a baby. No matter what had happened in their life up to that point, they would be changed forever.

I don't know what it is about having a baby. It's not even the physical part of it because I know it has the same effect on adoptive moms. Somehow your whole perspective and outlook on the future is forever changed by that tiny little helpless lump.

I can only speak from personal viewpoint, of course- but men I talk to have a very different experience. It was life changing for me. A refiner's fire for sure. It was interesting, since I didn't stay home with Savannah- much of my life remained the same, but I was forever changed. Without even meaning to, I became a mother. All those things I had watched my mother do- I was doing. Overnight life became more real and serious because I knew she would be watching and someday doing the same thing all over again with her own children. Because of this, my relationship with Savannah is different than with my other children. When I look at her, I am always a little bit in awe because she made me into the person I am. Without even knowing it, her expectations of me made me reach for a higher ground that I didn't even know was missing from my life.

As I was putting the kids to bed, Oliver decided to sleep in Savannah's room. As he laid down he said, "I miss Savannah." Emmaline replied, "I miss her more. She's my special sister." I guess I think I miss her the most.